I have decided to start a journal. I NEED To get this weight off. At first gaining the weight was a camaflague for what was really going on in my life. I wanted to feel secure and safe in this fat body. I did. Free from men's advances, free from people. I feel scarred by men. SOOOO I thought I would eat and eat till I got FAT. WELL guess what I AM FAT!!!!!!! I just went to the hairdresser this morning and looked in the full mirror and I swear I didn't even recognize ME. Oh my god. I won't get on a scale, I must be 250 right now. Used to being 140 something. Over this past year and a half after my divorce the weight has crept up and up.

O.K, got what I wanted. NO MEN, no social life...BUT....Got other problems that I didn't bargain for.

I went to the doctor for a checkup the other day. I have hypertension. NEVER had in my life. 159/97, they checked it a few times and it was high...

In my mind I was doing this on purpose, warding off bad people, or people who only wanted something to do with me because I was "thin" and "pretty". Now I got things I didn't bargain for.:c(, Right now I am scared, which I should be. I'm 38 years old, had a total hysterectomy in 03', in menopause and FAT! (Heart attack!!!!)

WHAT DID I DO TO MYSELF????? :help:

I don't even know where to start to lose this weight. I have lost before, but like I told my dr. I am scared TO lose the weight and Scared NOT to lose the weight.

I HAVE TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT, THAN...I guess I need to go to therapy and deal with the emotional sides of this. I just want to cry and cry and curl up in a ball! I really do.

Well.......Any suggestions please comment. Thank you....
Peace..

Take it one day at a time. It's scary and there are a lot of things to sort through -- so just take it slow. Make a few healthy changes and stick with them, and as you feel better and enjoy the benefits, you'll want to make more healthy changes. For example, switch to drinking water. Take the stairs. Catch yourself when you think negative thoughts about yourself and stop yourself. Switch from white to whole wheat in pasta, breads, rice, etc. Have some fruit for a snack. Take a walk in the evening after dinner. Let yourself enjoy the benefits of a healthy lifestyle, it will make you want to continue and take away some of that fear. Welcome and good luck!

hi there,
i think Naus is spot on..take it slowly..i remember at first it was really hard to think about all the things i would have to change so i just made small changes little by little and before i knew it i had actually changed many things.
activity/ exercise for me is crucial..again its a steady process..find something that you like to do whether it be walking or swimming or cycling..i also find that exercising is a good way to meet people also without feeling pressured about it.
it seems that you are in tune with your emotions so concentrate on that too..think of other ways to deal with the feelings you have about men etc..hurting yourself in the long term healthwise wont solve any problems.
i wish you much success and look forward to getting to know you better.
hugs bell :)

Hi! My suggestion is the same as Nausicaa's, one day at a time, and just breathe and relax! No one can solve everything at once. :wave: You'll do great, please don't have a disgusting perception of self, that won't help. Start thinkin' of all the positive things you can think of 'bout self and hey weight is just one aspect and you've already started to tackle that.

And since ye asked for suggestions 'n comments, I'd just slip a wee plea in here for the scale. Ye might want to hop on, brave the thing once and for all 'n see where you really are without guessing. Might not be as bad as ye think, but even so, better to know and have a baseline to measure your progress. And the scale is only one measurement. How 'bout taking some measurements so if you are exercisin' and eatin' right 'n the inches come off, you'll know about it. That comes in handy on weeks when the scale won't budge.

You've already done a lot right, hey, made the decision for change, seen the doctor and gotten his ok. All ye need if you don't have one is a plan of some kind, doesn't have to be long term or elaborate, on how you'll implement this change you've decided on.

Nothin' "disgustin'" 'bout ye at all! You're doin' great! Enjoy the journey. It's a challenge.

See ya! :wave:

Don't beat yourself up for past choices start today being kind to yourself and set up a healthy healing lifestyle of exercise and eating right for yourself. After all you deserve it!

Wish you much success on your healthy journey.

OK, you have asked for suggestions, and you have gotten some great ones. I'll just add that looking back benefits no one. What is past, is past!

Look to the future. It is there for you, and it can be shaped by you. What a challenge! So make your plans, decide what you want to do, and to it.

Drink more water. Fill your plate with lean meats, veggies, fruits and whole grains. Take the stairs instead of the elevator, park at the far end of the parking lot to increase your walking.

And enjoy life. Smile at people! Most will smile back. Phone a friend. Write a note to someone you haven't thought about for years. Restablish old friendships. Read a good book. Think positive thoughts.

And above all, keep posting so we can continue to encourage you on your weight-loss journey. Good luck to you -- losing weight can be done, and you are going to do it.

Free from men's advances, free from people. I feel scarred by men. SOOOO I thought I would eat and eat till I got FAT.

The first thing you have to do is separate these two ideas. Just because you are thin, you don't have to date or do anything you don't want to do. Forget about men and focus on yourself.

I recently made this revelation myself. For years I said "If I was thin, then men would be attracted to me." So I associated being thin with attention from men. What the revelation for me was that this was what was holding me back from ever being successful at losing weight. The reason being is that I have huge trust issues with men and other issues which actually scare me to death regarding men. So all this time I thought losing weight would make me happy, in the back of my mind I was actually scared to death of losing weight and having to deal with everything that would come with that success.

So, since I have realized this, I've had to convince myself I have to lose weight for no other reason than my health. I don't have to become some dating machine or do anything else I am not comfortable with. My life does not have to change in any other way until I am ready for it.

It seems you are in the same situation. Start an affirmation every day that says "I want to lose weight to be healthy" and leave it at that. No other reason.

BTW, I joined WW in Feb. and have lost almost 30 pounds and my BP has come down almost 15 points. It doesn't take a lot of weight loss to effect a change in your BP. Try not to feel so overwhelmed by it and take one day at a time.

Sincerely,

SS