Well, I came to a new clarity last night at about 3am. For about a month I worked my butt off working out, and eating right. I managed to lose 8lbs.! Then 3 weeks ago I started this really weird eating binge, and for some reason laying in bed had priority over going to the gym. I remember in the course of the past 3 weeks thinking to myself "What are you doing?" I didn't know. I started eating all of this fattening food, and soda( I didn't drink soda for a month) I stopped my water and going to the gym. So, last night I was thinking " what is going on?" Because I can do it! I was doing it! I loved working out, I had little trouble eating healthy when I put my mind to it. I didn't even like half of the crap I was eating!
Then last night it hit me like a ton of bricks.- I can't lose weight. You know why? Because if I lose weight I will have to find another reason to hate myself. Another reason for my unhappiness. Then what's going to be my excuse for not going out in to the world and showing them what I can do. Will I actually have to be proud of myself if I achieve my goal? Will I prove to myself I can do anything I put my mind to?
So, I found the root lies much deeper than just losing weight. You must truly be content with yourself, and believe you deserve the very best, before you can do something totally beneficial for your life. Such as losing weight.
I now have a new approach to my weight loss. I want to lose it not to end up trying to find another reason to hate myself....but to let that be the first reason I love myself.

Thanks for listening,
Carlee
Carlee15@hotmail.com




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Carlee, what a wonderful post.
I know exactly how you feel. This past few days I had been feeling good about myself, had my hair re-styled, was feeling that the weight was finally starting to come off etc, and then yesterday I suddenly realised that I still actually felt really down but was just covering it up with a smiling face.
I have a lot of issues in my life and I know that losing weight is just one of them. I like you thought for a long time that losing the weight would solve all my problems and make me proud of myself, and others (my mum in particular) proud of me also, but recently I have come to realise that this is not going to solve anything else other than my weight problem.
I don't know how to make the other things better myself yet I'm afraid, which I find really upsetting, but I am trying to stick with my weight loss journey as much as I can, because I know how to work on that one at least.


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Baby

Goodness Carlee,

You've hit the nail on the head there. I think it's a common thing. I've lost nearly 60 pounds and now I have decided that I'm ugly and a horrible person. I can't hate my fatness anymore and I can't use that as an excuse anymore. And boy is it scarey!! But I have to keep going and I'm gonna have to work through all the other stuff in my head too. It's going to be a long long journey for me.
Happily, I know there are others here who give great advice because they've been there too. And that makes my journey easier to bear. Just reading your post helps me a lot.
Thank you, and keep going because you deserve success.

-Lucy

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