Here is something I've never seen addressed: sometimes when I lose weight there is a part of me that is really sad. Where do I go? Sometimes I feel like I've had an amputation or something. Sometimes I miss the "rest" of me. It's like my friend is gone. Can anyone relate to this? What do you do about it?

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Joni

This topic really hits home for me. I feel the same thing sometimes... it's like losing a security blanket, I think.

While fat, part of my identity has always been the fat girl. Who will I be when I'm not fat anymore? That's a scary thing.

Big changes are often scary even if they are good changes. I think that is why I've failed in past dieting attempts. This time around I've lasted longer and lost more than ever before, and I'm still feeling pretty good about it.

I think the key is reminding yourself that your desire to be healthy is greater than your fear of change.

What do the rest of you Diettalkers think?

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JulieK


read all about me at:
http://www.geocities.com/s000905

our fat is our cushion..padds us from the world and the pain..well that is what my shrink says..LOL

I think a big issue with me and other people who have been sexually abused is that we hide in this fat because it makes us feel safe from predators...dumb isn't it now tell my brain that..LOL

WE CAN WIN though!!
:)

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Pamela
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Live!! This is not a Dress Rehersal!!

I just have to say..and not meaning this in a nasty way...but alright pamela we get it!! rofl

I have to say it scared me to death to lose the weight i had. As I have said before in here somewhere, I hate the compliments, I hated the need to shop..everything about it. But I hate being fat more. So I am gonna hve to deal with the issues when I get to that point again. I gained everything back I lost...I cant do that this time!!!


heather ww

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Nothing tastes as good as thin feels!

I have to say I agree, agree, agree Pamela. Though I have not been sexually abused I do feel that I use fat to avoid many things. Mainly feeelings as I tend to shove down the problems with food which really makes it worse. Then when I do lose the weight I feel that people expect more from me than I can give. I feel different and that is a problem with me where men are concerned. I feel that they no longer see me as an intellectual woman but more of a sexual woman. It's an issue thing.
Christmas blessings, Babs

Our fat *shields* us from the real world. It is a convenient excuse for not getting on with our lives. If people don't like us, it's because we're fat--heaven forbid it could be because of our personality! Or we force family and friends to *prove* how much they love us--accept me fat, or don't accept me at all. We can also punish others by staying fat--Dad hates that I'm fat so I'm going to stay that way just to keep reminding him of what a lousy Father he was. My personal observations of course...

cissy

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itsmecissy@yahoo.com

[This message has been edited by itsmecissy (edited 11-29-2000).]

Yes, I do hide behind my fat. I feel I can be more "ME" when I do, instead of a sex object or cool or whatever labels people put on me. I guess I am afraid. My fat has served me very well while I needed it. I no longer do need it, I now have the tools to live my life. I guess I'm just scared. Thanx--again-- for caring!

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Joni

testing

i just didn't want to type a huge long thing and then have it not work. Ok, here's a bizzare thing for you. This is one of the reasons why i'm afraid to lose weight. My mom has always been in competition with me. She needed to be prettier, thinner, smarter and just better then me. I think the reason is my dad sexually abused me from the time I was a baby till I was about 15. I think she thinks that she was in competition with me over him. So now if I lose weight she says things like "now don't go getting too thin" and " you know when you talk about how great you're doing you make others feel bad about themselves" . So it's like if I lose weight then i'm being disloyal to her. I'm 30 now and live very far away from them but the pressure is very real still. I could go on and on about all the different things that went on but I just don't feel like it. So that's one of the reasons i'm afraid to lose weight.

Pulch: ACK! I am so sorry you had to go through that.. And even worse to have it made even more dysfunctional by your mother! http://www.diettalk.com/uub//frown.gif

I am SOOOOOOOO afraid of losing the weight. I have NOT been able to get below 201!! I think part of it is me waiting for Meridia to be approved. Not that I WANT to take it, but the option won't be there when I get to 199. also, I guess there is the fear of failure or whatever. Then the stress.. UGH! I wish it weren't so DANG hard! http://www.diettalk.com/uub//frown.gif

*sigh* It bums me out that I can't past this.

Corinna

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"Every decision you make indicates what you believe you are worth."

My thoughts go out to all of you who share the past of being sexually abused. It is with hearing stories like yours that will hopefully make others in similar situations realize that they are not alone. It should also make others who have not experienced it count their blessings.

I think realizing WHY we hide behind the weight is important before each one of us can take the steps we need in order to free ourselves, whether the treatment be psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, etc.

I have found it to be a rather soul-searching experience, one I'm trying to take a little further every day. When I backslide into old habits, at least I am recognizing it now and trying to take the high road instead.

My best to you all.

Much love,
Roxie

I Don't think I have ever missed my fat because I was so busy hating myself. people do seem to expect more from you when you are thin. Oh you are in control you must never get so hungry you go crazy . But I do !! food has great power over me I wish it didn't . Good luck with your fat fight I know how hard it is.- JJ

Dear Pulch: You can go on and on and on...
about your success here. We WANT to hear about it. It will motivate us and inspire others to do better. Please, I know you can do it, don't be afraid. We are here for you.
I feel just awful for all of you, for I had a truly wonderful family life. Hang in there gang, together we can conquer all!!!

phatgirl.

Pulch...I can relate! I've done lots of therapy around this, but the sex thing is still a biggie. But you hit on something else that just dawned on me...I am very much a pleaser and fixer and there is part of me that almost feels disloyal to my other heavy friends by losing. This time I didn't even tell them I was on a diet! There is also the part of me that loves this fat because its part of ME and I love me! This is weird, isn't it? Thank you all for giving me your thoughts, it really helps me focus on this.

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Joni

Pulch, I can relate to the jealousy, competition thing. My sister is really bad. With weight and everything else in our lives. We both had babies very close together, 5 months apart. Hers was planned, mine a complete accident (I was only with him for 2 months when it happened, we are married now!) But when she found out that I was pregnant she flipped out, told me that I did it on purpose cause I have to do everything she does, etc..... Basically, she was upset that I was stealing her thunder. Same happened with our weddings, mine wasn't too long after hers, just happened that way, and she was horrible. She wanted to know why I didn't want to use the same photographer and DJ she did since I copy everything else in her life! Anyway, I am rambling now, but just thinking of how she can be gets me going! And the weight issue is just as bad, we are about the same right now, both haven't lost our baby weight and I just know that if I start losing she'll try to sabotage it somehow. Nice sister, huh? Oh well, I've accepted that she'll never change. It just urks me!!!

Bekka

I think everybody here is so smart to be thinking about this issue before we get there! I believe we must figure out what our fat is saying for us, and be brutally honest about it.

Here is a list of what my fat says for me:
1. I am womanly, curved and voluptuous
2. Men: stay away!!
3. No sex, please!!
4. I feel helpless and out of control
5. I am big and well-protected, don't mess with me!
6. If you were a real friend, you would look past what I look like!
7. Society won't tell ME what to look like!

...And on and on! Notice how a lot of them are directly contradictory! :D

Here is what how I feel about losing weight:
1. I want you to notice and compliment me.
2. I DON'T want you to notice! Say nothing!
3. If you tell me I look "so much better" does that mean you always secretly thought I was ugly and repulsive?!
4. I love that I need new, smaller clothes.
5. Oh no, I need new, smaller clothes! Where am I going to find the time, money, etc? What is my REAL style anyway? I have worn "whatever fits and looks only slightly hideous" for sooo long.
6. Most of my friends are either fat or "eating buddies." Will I lose them now? Will they support me? Will they be jealous? Will they sabotage?

...And on and on again! We must force ourselves to say with our voices and our creativity what we have been saying with our extra pounds!!! We must stop stuffing our rage, our joy, our sexuality and become more fully human and alive! There is sooo much more to this whole thing than just dieting and excercise. It is really about reclaiming our buried selves, almost a rebirthing, and birth is painful!

Oh no, Heather's on her soapbox again! The real person I am teaching this to is myself! Blessings on your journey, everyone.
Love, Heather

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Never give up, Never give in! Stay the course day by day, You're sure to win!

True Heather. So very, very true. Everything you said hit it on the nail with me.
Christmas blessings, Babs the elf

Oh, Heather, you are a mind-reader! This is exactly what goes through my head! So now what? I know, I know...do it anyway and deal wiht it as it comes up. Ok *sigh*.

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Joni

Thanks Heather...very well put! I was reading through this post...and I have a few times...but all the "feelings" kept getting in the way. The hard part about giving up the excess food is that I now have to practice new ways of dealing with feelings. Feelings about the past, feelings about expectations, feelings about loss, feelings about gratitude, feelings about who I am or want to be, feelings of jealousy....feelings, feelings, feelings...the list goes on and on. The good news is that there are ways of dealing with those feelings...and that's called living! I want to live...not stay buried under all this weight! So, one day at a time, I'm practicing new behavior by feeling the feelings and living :) One of my favorite quotes is: "The Bluebird of Happiness in NOT just another Swallow!" God bless!

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Good thoughts be with you! ICQ# 733405
Robbie

I too was sexually abused as a child. Everything everyone said is soooo true and I certainly can not think of one more thing to add.
This website is so wonderful...thanks for sharing all your feelings.
Traci

This is really shocking. I never even mentioned sexual abuse in my original post, and yet that is what many of you "saw". Guess what? You are right! Thank you for your sensitivity and help. I'll be coming back with this topic as the weight comes off, I'm SURE!! You're the best!

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Joni