What is the deal with excuses? I am just as guilty as anyone else, but why is it that we feel the need to qualify our present situation with-- "well, I haven't always been this way, I used to get hit on all the time, etc." It seems like people talk an awful lot about who/what they used to be. What I want to know is what/who are you NOW? Do you like who you are? I don't care if you don't like your current body type, but do you like, or even know, who you are now this very day? I don't think you can change your life in a drastic way if you don't know where you're starting from and who you are. Also, how in the world can you stay committed to doing something that is very difficult and takes a lot of commitment for someone you don't like?

Every single person is special. I read about all sorts of cool gifts on the "what's your talent" thread. Just because a person is overweight does not mean that they are a faulty person. We all "know" this, but do we really accept it? Do we know who we are inside of our bodies? Do we like that person? I hear people talk about the past so much, as well as their struggle to regain who they once were. Do we all really realize that we will never be who we once were? We're different people now. I may lose all of the weight that I intend to, but I will never be the same person that I was when I was slender a few years ago. We are the sum of our experiences colored by our own perceptions and relationships to others. Everyone knows that losing weight is a pro-active undertaking. I think it is awfully hard to go forward with being healthy while trying to cling to the past. A lot of us were once slender, probably even athletes, others have battled a life-long war against fat. What difference does it really make? Every one of us has the potential to wake up in the morning and say to ourselves "today is a good day... and I'm going to feel just as good about it when I go to bed tonight." We all have the power to make healthy choices and move our bodies and tune up this biological thing that carries our brains and souls around. But you have to do it for someone that you really like, someone that really deserves your facing of all of the difficulties that come with the journey-- and that person has to be you. As long as you feel like a "bad" person for gaining the weight, or never losing it before now, you're just going to sabotage yourself. Some part of you is going to feel like you're not worth the trouble, so you won't try so hard. But you know what? That's a load of crap because every person is a wonderful human being and deserves to feel good and be healthy and live a long life.

Take a few moments today and ask yourself who you're doing this for. Is it for that person you used to be, or is it for the person that you are now? The person you are now deserves this. Don't let them down.

(author's note: Sorry for the long diatribe, but like I said, this applies to me and it has been bothering me so much that I had to get it off my chest. KM)

[This message has been edited by KM (edited 12-06-2000).]

KM your post is very interesting and you are right, you touched on something very important. People can't help themselves if they don't like themselves, so accepting themselves before starting this long journey is a must. Thanks for posting this, it is very inspirational! And so so true :D

And yes, I like myself now more than ever, that is why I have to do this for ME :D

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~Here is to eating right and living longer!~
Massielita

[This message has been edited by Massielita (edited 12-06-2000).]

Wow....now that is some food for thought. I will need to digest all you said and I will reply later this afternoon.
Very nice post KM. Very well written :)

Traci
I will be back!

EXACTLY KM that is exactly what I was trying to say in a post yesterday, someone wrote about "journaling sort of"..only I am not as good as you are at putting my thoughts into words and I felt what I said came off harsh and not really what I wanted to say...I agree with you totally...what I am today is what I have to work with and that is what I have to accept...I used to be able to run 10 miles a day and I loved it now I am not able to do that so I walk and I love to walk also..I used to be young and thin but I can NEVER be young ever again I can't go to that place that place is reserved for my beautiful children and I wouldn't even choose to go back there what I think each of us should concentrate on is being the best we can be in the place where we are right this moment..As NIP/Corinna said to me once ..wake up this morning asking yourself what can I accomplish today that will make me proud tonight?..

I appreciate your post it is wonderfully written and I totally agree..Lets everyone try to accept where we are today and improve upon ourselves from here..
:)

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Pamela
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Live!! This is not a Dress Rehersal!!

Dear God, just one more instance of someone at DT saying exactly what I needed to hear. KM you hit "my" nail on the head! I felt like you had written this just for me to hear , it hit home so closely. You even mentioned that "some of us used to be athletes." I spent a large part of my life playing football. My wife (registered nurse) now harps on me constantly because I get so hung up into what I used to be able to do in terms of weight lifting, running, stamina etc... She says I will get nowhere judging myself now by those standards. I need to decide what's the best place for me NOW and get there. Again, you are a sage spreading pearls of wisdom on us KM. (and you write beautifully!) Thanks.

GOOOOOOOO JACKETS!!!!!!! STING 'EM!!!!!

Count me in on that "I needed to hear that", too...... thanks KM for making me think. I got really depressed last night after seeing some pictures of me when I didn't have this weight on me and it hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldn't seem to shake it. I am working on what you wrote about. I'm getting to know this new person that I've become and the only connection to the past that I have is the experiences that have shaped me thus far in life and made me what I am today. I keep telling everyone that they are more than the numbers of what they weigh...... every so often I need to remind myself that, too! *grin* I am indeed a slow learner!!!

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Here's to healthy and happy!

Dj

I agree with you KM, we should not live in the past or try to be that same person we were, but I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to look that way again, as long as it is a realistic goal. I do know who I am right now, I am a good person. I love myself, my husband, and my son and almost everyone else in my family-- LOL!!
Great post, KM. We all need to love ourselves first and foremost.

Bekka

Wow! this is thought provoking!

It's true that we can't go back, we can't be who we were. I, for one, am very glad about that! I really like the ME I am now, inside, much better. Part of that is the experiences that I've been through. And time has a way of helping to change our outlook also(that whole getting older thing) LOL
Why would we want to try and go back and capture the past? Maybe that's what we think defines us. Like was said..we are the eternal Athlete, cheerleader,go getter, or slim person we picture ourselves to be in our pasts. It's certainly a good thing to want to have a healthy, slimmer and attractive body(nothin wrong with that), but to want to go back to where we were? not this peach! Being Pro-active is where it's at. Doing something in the HERE and NOW..that's what gets us to goal!
((((HUGS))))
Peach

I used to walk both roads it's true. One foot in the past and one in the future but never here in the present. I wrote a journal years ago forgiving everyone, myself as well, and everything. That is what got me here in the present. For once I learned to accept myself not only for what and who I am now but also for what brought me to this point and why." I am a good person and everyday I become a better one. I will not be defined by my body or my faults but only by my accomplishments and my virtues."
Christmas blessings, Babs

Well KM I have to say my feeling are hurt. I thought I was doing the right thing by journaling and being very honest about it. Saying I liked how I looked before isn't an excuse about anything, it's a fact. I hear a lot of you say things like " you are free to express yourself here" but I guess maybe some of you have a problem with that. I'm just really saddened. I don't know really what else to say, i'm just sad now. And after reading the nice things that Heather wrote to me that mad me feel like maybe I can do this again. I thought we were all in this together. Well I feel very alone right now. Sorry to have bothered you with my crappy and stupid feelings.

Pulchritude,

I'm terribly sorry if you feel like the post is some sort of personal attack on you. It certainly is not. We are all here to support each other in this difficult battle. To be honest, I don't know why you think it is a personal attack on you, maybe I missed a post dealing with a similar topic. The post actually came about because I was in bed last night thinking about my life because I couldn't sleep, and I just started getting all worked up about it and got up and wrote the post. I used a lot of "you" and "we" and "people" terms in the post, but a lot of it was about me-- and I used those terms because I know there are others like me. I was just really frustrated because it seems like I always try to qualify myself to people by reminding them who I used to be-- and I shouldn't do that. Also, there is no way I will ever be that person again, my life has changed too much, and probably for the better. I have to recognize that I, the person am am RIGHT NOW is worth all of the effort that I'm putting into this. I'll be a better person for it in so many ways.

Again, I'm not sure why you're personally offended, but I'm sure that the person YOU are NOW is also a wonderful human being who is worth all of the effort and more. Journaling (and being honest about it) is good therapy, but as you know, the more introspective you become in your journaling, the more likely you are to come up with epiphanies. The post was simply an epiphany of mine brought on by my own personal introspection. I expressed it only to connect with others, not to hurt anyone, and most certainly not to alienate anyone.

Best Wishes,
KM

This is just me sounding off again...LOL

Pulch, I dont honestly believe that KM meant to upset you in any way! I must have missed an earlier post as well, cause I just dont understand how you got your feelings hurt. We are all in this together! We support and encourage each other in the ways we know best! Like KM said..when you get an insight into your own life, an epiphany so to speak..you want to share it..not to take that experience, or a similar experience away from another person. I think keeping a journal is a great way to get in touch with who you are,,who you've been..and where you'd like to be.
Pulch..I think lots of us try to be honest in our posts whenever we can..unless we are just being silly(guilty as charged! LOL) but now I'm not joking. Not everyone is at the same place in their lives that they are ready for introspection. Not everyone can be honest..not with themselves or others. We have to allow that, dont we? We need to practice tolerance, patience, and forgiveness wherever it's needed. Again..I do not believe that KM meant anything against you in her post. She was sharing her ideas. I'm sorry too, that you feel so sad! I hope you find happiness!
Peach

[This message has been edited by Peach (edited 12-06-2000).]

Hi guys,
I can see how Pulch feels, in a way. It seemed as though KM made several references to Pulch's post "kind of a journal" I think that's the one. Anyway, the reason I see how she feels is because in that post I kinda agreed with her. I do sometimes have those feelings of wanting to look like I did then or maybe feeling that self-assured feeling when you get hit on. I don't think that makes anyone a bad person. I think that makes you human. I believe that KM didn't mean to hurt anyone, she was giving her personal thoughts and opinions. So to Pulch, don't take it to heart, ok. You are not alone, you just have a different opinion. I hope that I'm not offending anyone either. I just thought I'd throw my thoughts out there.

Bekka

THIS MISUNDERSTANDING is all my FAULT...
So please listen..as I said above in my first post here KM put in better words what I was feeling when "I" replied to a post yesterday about "journaling sort of". I just tried to find it I don't even know who wrote it I am assuming it was Pulchritude since her feelings have been hurt by my comments.. KM did not post this about your posting from yesterday and I think you misunderstood my entire meaning...JUST like I said in my reply to this post I DID NOT feel like I got my point accross yesterday and in my post I said I thought you were all BEAUTIFUL women NOW...that we should rejoice in who we are today...I also said yesterday just like I repeated in my post today that I did not mean it in a harsh way..I just felt like you should see yourselves for the beautiful people you are now and that we know you to be from your other posts here...when I read KM's post today I commented she said it so beautifully in part about loving yourself today and that I wish I could have spoken as well in my rply to your post yesterday...Once again I said it "with love" not in criticism..I am sorry if I offended you or Bekka..Please forgive me...I will be over here in the corner now----->

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Pamela
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Live!! This is not a Dress Rehersal!!

Good Lord. I finally did a search of the site and found the post that I supposedly was reacting to. Guess what? I never read the darn thing-- the whole wanting-to-be-who-we-used-to-be thing is VERY COMMON. We all like to feel like we look good. We all like the outside affirmation that getting hit on gives us. Come on people, give me a break here. I wasn't trying to take anyone to task for what they feel. I was just trying to do what everyone says this board is about-- communicate openly and honestly. Those are questions that I asked myself, I just wondered if anyone else is in the same boat. I apologize for any hurt feelings, and will keep any potentially offensive thoughts to myself in the future. One more thing though-- isn't it the hard questions that we are supposed to be dealing with here?

Okay-- have to edit on one more thing here. There is an awful lot of talk about feelings. Do you want to know how I feel? When I first checked on the post this morning I was elated that some people felt the same way, and that I actually might have helped some people-- I was just about crying I felt so good about what I had said and what it might mean to other people. Then, on a study break I checked it again after Pulchritude posted. Well, then I felt confused and guilty for making someone feel bad unintentionally. You know how I feel now? Frustrated and emotionally manipulated. I came here to find a community, but I guess I didn't learn all the rules before I jumped right into expressing myself. I've always been more of a philosopher than a cheerleader. I won't apologize for that because that's just who I am, but I honestly don't intend to make anyone else feel bad-- there are already enough people outside of this BB community that do that.

[This message has been edited by KM (edited 12-06-2000).]

[This message has been edited by KM (edited 12-06-2000).]

KM please do not let this misunderstanding keep you from posting your post was MOST helpful to lots of people here including me..AND yes you are right it IS the hard questions that need to be addressed here...
AND that is what this place is about helping each other...Once again I think the misunderstanding was my fault but was taken wrong...I wish I could write like you and express myself as well I just am not that gifted and sometimes people misinterpret our true meanings...Once again PLEASE PLEASE continue to be open with your thoughts here....
:)

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Pamela
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Live!! This is not a Dress Rehersal!!

"talk to others who are going through the same feelings as yourself"
thats in the diettalk mission statement and i think it has a lot to do with this misunderstanding.
in my opinion(which may not stand for much) the fact that i can talk to people that understand and have experienced what i am going through, is what makes diettalk such a wonderful support network for me.
sometimes i read a post that i could have written myself.the feelings and thoughts expressed here at times are so like my own that its scary.
i dont believe that KM was talking about anybody but herself in that post and if anyone felt it was about them, then maybe that just shows that as people trying to lose weight we do have very similar experiences to share and learn from.
KM your post was one that i read and then went to my journal and saw a very simliar entry that i made last week. learning to love ourselves is such a big part of our journeys and one that i am still dealing with daily.
hugs belinda :D

KM, I know how you feel with this post. It's difficult sometimes to express an opinion or a feeling without someone taking offense to it. I've done that myself here a few times. It's also difficult to think that people might be mad at you. Been there a few times, too... *grin* But there's always a lesson to learn in everything and for me when I was in this situation I learned that even though my thoughts might not be pleasing to everyone, I still have a right to talk about them. If I keep my thoughts to myself, how can I get help for them when I really need it? I didn't see anything intentionally directed to someone else when you posted. I guess I was just too busy seeing "me" in your post because I know I have a GREAT deal of work in the area you were talking about. Sometimes I think I've made such great progress and then something little comes along and I know I'm right back where I started and have such a long way to go. But at least now I know how to get up and keep on going..... and being able to express myself and get other's feedback to what I'm feeling is a big part of how I learn! You just have to understand that not everyone is going to agree with you and let it go at that. You've been very gracious in apologizing and I know that the others involved in this are good people, too. So I know everyone can work this out, stick it out and learn from it. I would hate to see any of you go.........we all need each other. Take care and and thanks for sharing a part of yourself with us. It really helped me know that I wasn't alone.

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Here's to healthy and happy!

Dj

[This message has been edited by Dj (edited 12-06-2000).]

I just wanted to let everyone know that I was not personally offended by anything said. Really and truly! I just felt I could relate w/ Pulch a little. That's all, no biggie! Please, noone feel like they can't state their feelings or thoughts. I think that is a wonderful thing about DT! Maybe we could all look inside ourselves if something we read hits us too close to home. Just a thought. Love ya all!!

Bekka

Oh my gosh...I have something really important to say about this topic. I learned it yesterday. Wow! Now I know why I learned it.
Anyway...I have to go be a teacher now.
When I get home I will fill you all in.
I love all of you guys in here. I love the way we all can share our feelings.
I can hardly wait to get home to post.
Traci ;)

Know what's funny? Sometimes I'll read a post and think "oh, that has nothing to do with me" or "boy, are they wrong", then about 3 days later I'll come back to it and the light will go off and I'll think its the most inspirational thing I've ever read! Strong feelings arise for a reason: readiness to hear. There are so MANY facets to this journey, ALL of them are credible and hold truth and most of us will experience ALL of them at some point. I am very grateful for the honesty, and for witnessing people at their various stages. And this much I know: there enough compassion in here for everyone!

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Joni

Now I'm curious about what Traci is so excited about sharing- I'll have to check back.....

I thought this post was great!! I am also more of a philosopher than a cheerleader so I find myself often reading a thread, but not replying because I either feel I have nothing to add, or I just reflect on it and keep it to myself. I just had to say that I can relate so much to this and that I was near tears when I read it because it told me I had some more work to do. I am feeling better about myself lately, but is that because I have been doing well and losing weight? I need to learn to feel good about myself at all times and this post hit home with that. I am constantly comparing current self to that of my past. I seem to measure my life in weight- maybe some of you do this too. I can't even remember the year sometimes, but at specific times in my life I can rattle off my weight. I was 155 when I met the guy that is currently my husband, I lost wome weight and was 145 at my senior prom, I was at 163 when I started college due to all my high school athletics ending, then I dieted down and was 143 for a long time....then on my wedding day I was 135, after that we moved away from friends and family and I got depressed and started climing. I have been between 160 and 170 for the last 3 years. I am finally on my way down....But I guess I am realizing that it shouldn't be about that- it should be about me wanting to be the best/healthiest I can be RIGHT NOW- and learning the habits and tools that will allow me to be the healthiest for many years to come. To finally have control over my weight- but more importantly- I need to get serious about loving myself every day. I need to know that if I start to slip or climb the scales again that I will be there to help myself back up (kinda sounds like a multiple personality but maybe it is- one part weak while the other is strong).

Thanks for the reminder that during this holiday season, the best gift we can give one another, or ourselves, is love and acceptance (kinda like the One, who's birthday is coming up on the 25th, loves us)

We can't go back to the past, but we certainly can learn from it. We can use the lessons from the past to catapult us toward our future goals. I don't reply often to the post, but I read many of them everday. They are kinda my morning thing, I feel so inspired and touch by what I read. Many of you have touched my in so many ways. I feel what you are feeling and know that I am not alone. You help me to understand my past, encourage me at the present and give me a positive outlook on the future. Thank you and please continue to post your deep thoughts and feelings they are helpful to many who read them. HUGS!