Hi,
First of all I hope I am psoting this on the right board. If I am not I apologize.
I really need some honest opinions here please on my situation.
I hope I can explain this so it makes some sense :)
I need to lose about 80 lbs.
Tim ( my honey who I live with ) always says if I lose weight it should be for me. Great right?
Well over the years I have put on about 60 lbs since we got together and he KNOWS who terrible I feel about this.
He said if I wanted him to help me he would.
By the way this man could'nt gain weight if I shoveled it down his throat 24/7 - arugh ! :)
So finally after about 1 year of this weight gain I asked him to help me.
Hence the problem !
1. first I asked him to please in the beginning to keep the junk foods out of the house just for awhile ( it is just me and him at home ). He threw a fit !
2. the first day of my diet which he knew I was starting he comes home and says did you really start your diet today? Yes - why? Oh because so and so gave me fudge and I left it in the car in case you had started.
Then he trys to tell me I desire a "small treat" and why don't I try some of the fudge.
3. next day he tells me he gave fudge to his boss. Sat right there and told me that him and his boss thought it was the best fudge they ever had.
4. Then tonight - we had to run errands and he says lets go to McDonalds. I jsut kept my mouth shut as my grand daughter had already heard him say we were going.
We get there and he says what do you want? Nothing I say.
Now I am wrong or is there something wrong with this whole picture?
I want to scream at him - in spite of you I WILL lose this weight and you can just forgt about supporting me as support like this I don't need.
Is he wrong? Or am I being over senstive?
The good news is .......
I sat in the car and handed my grand daughter her fries ( she is just a toddler ) and never ate one !!!!!! :)
Small diet battle won, but I feel good :)
Jade
One Day At A Time and One Pound At a Time

You did great with the McDonald's thing, Jade! And the size of the victory doesn't matter..... just the victory itself will do! All those small everyday victories will someday add up to you being at goal weight and then you can tell that diet sabotaging boyfriend of yours that you did it WITHOUT his help!! *grin* Just stay strong and be true to yourself and your goal of getting healthy and fit. That's more important than a very fleeting moment with a piece of fudge or McDonald's. You're doing great.... just keep it up one day at a time. You'll get there - don't ever doubt it!!

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Here's to healthy and happy!

Dj

Ditto on everything Dj said, but I want to add that it is time to have a SERIOUS heart to heart with him. Don't leave until you feel he understands. He may not even be doing this consciously, just trying to let you know that you are ok with him no matter what. Better than him being the "food police".

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Joni

Jade he wants change but he is afraid of it. Go for your goal. In time he will accept and adjust. Don't let anything stand in your way to becoming a healthier, happier person!
ON TO VICTORY! :)
Babs

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Jade use the anger you feel against him to help you not give in to his temptations! Prove it to him that you won't give in, that you don't want those foods, that you can do it!

You might want to talk to him again, but it sounds as if he is not fully getting that you want to commit to your diet. If he keeps it up, then keep true to yourself! In time he will understand that you mean business and that no one will sabotage you!

YOU CAN DO IT!!! Do it for yourself and you will be a much happier person and healthier too! :D :D :D

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~Here's to eating right and living longer~
Massielita

Good Morning :)
I slept on the couch last night to avoid me saying anything nasty/mean to him, as I was not sure if I had that "right".
I have a sore back but other then that I feel great !!!! :)
Woke up this AM saying to myself "HA!" I did it in spite of all his "help" lol :)
This is a good feeling lol :)
He is normaly a good guy,but this diet issue is for sure going to be a proublem if he don't get on the right track.
Honestly I thought I would log on here this am and read that I needed to give him more time blah blah blah.
THANK YOU for all your wonderful support and suggestions !!! :)
I think each of you are right and again I thank you.
I will keep you updated here as to how he does and how our talk goes.
Jade
Taking Life - One Day At A Time and One Pound At A Time

Hi Jade! I just read your last post and wanted to tell you that you're doing a great job. It takes a lot of motivation and dedication on your part to lose weight and make a commitment to live healthy. As if losing weight isn't hard enough, losing it without the support of those you love is even worse. Hopefully, your talk with him will help. Even if he doesn't catch on at first maybe he'll get the idea when he sees how dedicated you are to your new lifestyle. Good luck and keep up the awesome job!!!!!

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Hi Jade! Great willpower, you just keep up the good work, I know you can do it, and so does HE!!!!!

ps-when my family wants to go to McD on a family outing, I opt for the salad or a Grilled chicken, take the top bun off and enjoy!!!

phatgirl.

~life is fragile-handle with prayer~

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Jade,
My husband is very similar to yours. He is also thin and never gains an ounce of fat and could out eat me any day of the week and he does. When I first started my healthier lifestyle he was bringing home junk wanting to go out to eat. etc.etc. He still brings home the junk but he has accepted that this time I mean business. I don't think our husbands are trying to be spiteful and ruin our diets but the fact that they have never had a weight problem and they just do not understand. I wish you luck in conquering him on this one. Jeni

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Congratulations on your awesome willpower with those mcdonalds fries..those are my downfall.
I am going thru the same thing with my husband..i try to buy healthy snacks,a nd he comes home with a bag of some kind of potato chip, and when I ask him to take them with him to work, he gets all pissed and tells me to have more self control!I guess maybe he's right, but it seems like he's sabatoging my efforts. I've heard that sometimes men are threatened when thier wives loose lots of weight and look great again..but that could be reaching a bit. :)

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At the risk of sounding like we ( meaning ME ) are male bashing - please let me tell you men here I am NOT :)
I am sure there are men out there that are not getting postive support from the women in their lives as well.
It just so happens that this conversation is about my man.
Please note I am not trying to male bash :)

I thank each of you for your GREAT support here ! It is so so so nice to know that I am not alone regarding any of the issues of weight loss.

You know honeybee I think your on to something here. See I am old lol - a grandma of 3.
I dye my hair, use facial hair remover ( arugh! ) and all that jazz, Just yesterday he says to me " oh I don't even notice that you need to do those things". Yeah right ! A blind man can see this gray hair.
It never dawned on me but I think he feels threatened.
See before this last weight gain I use to go out each week and line dance and all kinds of other activities ( none of which he really likes - but KNOWS better then to try to tell me no ).
Now why can't he see that this weight loss will benfit him too ( if you catch my drift lol )?
hmmmmmmmm? You really gave me something to think about.
Just for the record I am a young grandma ( 38 years ) who just feels old at times having 3 grandchildren. Yet I love playing with them and hope the old saying is true about children help keep us young :)
Jade
Taking Life - One Day At A Time and One Pound At A Time

Hi Jade,

First of all, I don't think I have ever welcomed you to our family, so WELCOME! :)

Quick question for you: Have you had a long-time relationship with food as being a reward or comfort? I know I have. My husband has weight "issues".. not as bad as me and loses SO easily (bastard).. But he knows to encourage me when I am on a diet because he understands..

Now, back to my point... If you have used food as comfort/reward then you may have conditioned your husband that it is a good way to show love/support. He just needs to be unconditioned. Maybe a nice tea for a treat or a back rub? You will have to re-train him (after years of training him otherwise).. If he offers something, you could say "thank you for thinking of me, but if you want to reward me, how about this?" and just say it each time and he will learn really quickly. He is probably really trying to be loving, he just needs to learn how to show it with your new lifestyle!

Another suggestion: Let him read this thread so he can see that it is an issue with you and get his input on how to curb it! Men are goofy.

As for honeybee, it sounds like your husband has control issues. I doubt it has anything to do with you. To stop thinking of his treats.. Tell yourself that they are crawling with bugs. I don't know if you are a visual person like I am, but I picture maggots crawling in the junkfood at home so that I stay away and it works for me! :)

Corinna

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"Every decision you make indicates what you believe you are worth."

Good for you! Have to face the fact that he may never fully understand just what the weight loss means to you.
Draw on the victory you have had whenever faced with similar situation. Don't forget when you are are tempted to indulge with others who are eating items you have decided not to that you can drink as an option. Drink, drink, drink; water, diet soda, till your eyeballs feel like they are floating. Later on after a couple of bathroom trips you will feel GREAT. You will have circumvented that "Monkey" once again. Here's to success.
....focus

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Jade,

WAY TO GO ON THE MICKY D. THING!

Just remember that you can't control what others around you (especially signifacant others) are going to do. The only thing you can control is how you choose to react to them. I'm in the same boat with my hubby and I have to keep repeating this to myself all the time. Good thing It's really true!lol.

I know it's frustrating, but remember, this is YOUR body and YOUR spirit. Only YOU can make the choices and take the actions to benefit them.

You have this power.

I know this is an ongoing battle. If you need a buddy in the same boat, feel free to email me. kim.babcock@worldnet.att.net


Good luck!

D.


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[This message has been edited by DivineK (edited 01-07-2001).]

Wow This is such wonderful support :)
Taking your messages above since my last post one at a time.

Corinna - I am a food addict - sounds silly huh? But I know I am. As for him replacing it - forget it - he is the most unromantic man lol. I make him sound terrible and he is not.
I spoke with my daughter today and she too feels honeybee is dead on. This man has a issue with what this weight loss will do to our lives. Guess I just need to keep getting support here and show him it will only improve our lives : )
Oh and the maggots idea. GROSS ! But I will for sure try it - it HAS to work lol.

focus - you are so right ! I still do have choices and I thank you for pointing this out to me :)

DivineK - Thank you so much for this ever so kind offer as well as your words of strength :)

I gain nmore strength each time I come in here - Thank you ALL ! Each and every message posted here for me has made me stronger ! :)
Jade -
Taking Life - One Day At A Time and One Pound At A Time

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Corinna:



As for honeybee, it sounds like your husband has control issues. I doubt it has anything to do with you. To stop thinking of his treats.. Tell yourself that they are crawling with bugs. :)

Corinna

</font>

Have you met my husband?? :D LOL WOW, you hit the nail on the head there! As for the bugs, that is one I will have to try..just from reading that suggestion gave me a shiver down my arms!



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Hi Jade/Honeybee..

I am a VERY visual person, so I will picture the food crawling with maggots, literally... It SO works for me (I have to remind myself the next time I faulter).

Oh, I belive you when you say your husband isn't romantic, Jade, I think romantic men are a myth. But food is probably used to show you love because it's easier than being romantic. LOL.. I would say "Thank you for thinking of me, but that is not how I reward myself anymore" and eventually he will get the idea. If he pushes you, just think of one line to say back so that he doesn't really have much to remember. Like "I don't feel like justifying my standpoint with you". Or something like that.

Corinna

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"Every decision you make indicates what you believe you are worth."

Jade welcome to DT. I posted the other night on a subject just like this. My husband is the same way. Have your talk with him and if he does not respond or change just contiue doing what you need to do. This is for YOU not for HIM. You can still enjoy those times out going to McDonalds just order salads or the grilled chicken. Make more sensible choices. I am learning that all things in moderation. I do not want to feel that I can not have a slice of pizza or other things I enjoy. I just have to learn that I can not have the whole thing. You can do it Jade just hang in there. You made the right choice by signing up for DT. THis is the greatest place with the nicest people. Together we will win the war. Susan

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Jade,
I do believe also that this is a control issue. Just go with the flow and make the best choices for yourself. Just don't let all those negative feelings build up toward your husband.I know how hard they can be to let go if they build. Just gently remind him that you are determined to get your weight under control. Best of luck to you!!

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Caroline
208/165/135

<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Corinna:



Oh, I belive you when you say your husband isn't romantic, Jade, I think romantic men are a myth.
</font>

LOL This reminds me..yesterday I was flipping around the stations and came upon the soap channel, and this guy was in bed with is wife (i assume) and he says, "What can I do to show you how much I love you?", and I just burst out laughing! What WOMAN wrote THAT line??? :)


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Just for the record as I don't want to be dishonest - Tim is not my husband :)
We live together. However using term husband here is fine with me as we have the same relationship and cometment as a husband and wife. We hope to make this legal this summer :) He is "pappy" to my grandchildren and feels they are his, and all in all we have built a family together blending ours together over the past years :) This weight loss issue is the biggie, however I think it is really bringing out his "green eyed monster" side.
I still have not had THE TALK with him.
I am still thinking here and I really think he already "gets it" but CHOSES not to really act like he does.
I think I will go with Corinna's idea and just come up with something to say to him, to hush him up :)
I need to somehow let him know I know he knows what I am really trying to do he and that is he a jerk for being so threatened by this !
Any ideas for a one liner to let him know ? Of course without actually calling him a selfish, thoughtless, unsupportive jerk :)
Thanks to you wonderful ladies he won't win ! :)
I have lost 6 lbs since starting on Jan 4 :)
Jade
Taking Life - One Day At A Time and One Pound At A Time

Jade.... I think there is something to the deal about your partner being threatened about you losing your weight and feeling better about yourself. I know I have a dear friend who has quite a lot to lose and her husband makes remarks about it lots of times (which I find awful), but every time she tries to start a new program, he sabatoges her BIG TIME!!! He is a very unhappy person and has to be fearful that she is getting healthier and COULD stand on her own if she choose to. I think in his mind he's afraid that if she lost all her weight, she'd leave him...... so insecurities might be part of what he's doing it without him even realizing it. There's a lot to be said for communicating. Why don't you sit him down and have a heart to heart with him. Maybe he'd listen..... *grin* (I did say maybe)

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Here's to healthy and happy!

Dj

Honeybee,

Ack! You quoted me making a typo. I should be more careful. Seeing it in bold made me cringe. ;)

Corinna

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"Every decision you make indicates what you believe you are worth."

Things are the same here on the home front http://www.diettalk.com/uub//frown.gif
I guess I need to have that talk after all .... AGAIN ! Gees every time I do this I just get more upset as its like he gets it but plays "dum".
Jade
One Day At A Time and One Pound At A Time

Dear Jade,
Relationships and how we feel about each other can be very complicated...I would give your sweetheart the benefit of the doubt. I have been with my husband nearly 24 years and he has been with me through thick and thin...literally! While he wants me to be a success at whatever I do, this is my diet, not his...he doesn't need one...I do. I have come to realize (at least for us) that it is unfair of me to expect him to go without the things he loves to have in the house because I have a problem. Although we tend to be obsessive when we are on a diet and think about it constantly...our mates are not always thinking about it and can be unintentionally insensitive. We're big girls...it's hard but we can take it!!!
Stick with it...you're worth it!!!

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Marilyn

Update: I have talked and talked to him.
It is getting me no where.
I have finally decided that actions speak louder then words. So I just need to show him over time that what ever he is a afraid of is not going to happen when I lose my weight.
What ever issues he is dealing with he will have to bring to me if he wants us to deal with them. I need to deal with me right now.
It has been about 2 weeks now and slowlyyyyy he is getting the picture I am not backing out of this. I thank you all for your support while getting through the beginning steps of this :)
Jade
One Day At A Time and One Pound At A Time