Now that I've gained weight I can't take a compliment! If someone says "You look so nice." I say "You need to see an eye doctor!" If someone says "I like that outfit." I say " I bought it at Omars!"
I just can't seem to be thankful and gracious when I get a compliment..only about my hair because it's not fat! Do you all do that or have I just developed and attitude problem with my weight gain? When I was thin I wasn't that way!
Babs

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I know just how you feel Babs.
I feel as if I don't deserve compliments anymore, as if when people give me a compliment they are doing it out of sympathy or actually being sarcastic.
I lost a lot of weight a couple of years ago (unfortunately it is now all back on and more) and I had to get used to accepting compliments. Slowly I did because over time I believed I was worthy of those compliments, but now the weight is back I am back to square one.
Why do we do this to ourselves?

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Baby
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Babs, I felt the same way as you. Would you believe when I had lost about 50 lbs. and the compliments started coming my way, I felt very uneasy and didn't know what to reply. After some practice and a total loss of 70 lbs, I finally am able to say: Thankyou.

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Diane

Babs, I can't take a compliment either. If someone says I look good I feel they are just trying to be nice. I mean I have looked in the mirror and I know what I look like so why are they lying to me, hehe. I have tried very hard to look at myself and realize that even though I am big I am beautiful.. Somedays I believe this and others I don't. I guess we have to believe it first or we will never accept what anyone else says... Jeni

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I look in the mirror and I think...gee I look pretty good but if somebody else says it I think ...geez now I know I look like crap! How in the heck do we get over this NOW and not after we are in a smaller size? I know I sometimes hurt peoples feelings but I just can't seem to think before I speak.
Babs

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I totally relate!! I don't know why I can't accept a compliment. My hubby gets so mad when he gives me one and I shrug it off like, "yeah, whatever", cause I think he's just trying to be nice. Now he rarely compliments me because of the way I act when he does!

Bekka

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Probably the best thing to do is just say 'thank you' and change the subject. You don't have to elaborate. And don't sit there and dwell on whether they were just trying to be nice or being sarcastic. Just take it at face value. It gets easier the more you do it.

When I posted this and re-read it, it sounded a little 'flip' and I didn't mean for it to sound that way. But you don't have to say, 'oh, this old thing?' or 'you need glasses' or anything. Have a way to change the subject in mind before the next situation comes up. Something like 'thanks, (short pause) so what have you been up to lately. Or something on that order. It takes the attention away from you and back onto them. It helps.

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[This message has been edited by Mel (edited 01-12-2001).]

how well do i take compliments?

i dont
*sigh*

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~*~it is never too late to be what you might have been~*~
3sons
mythreesons@hotmail.com

Im the same way. I dont feel like I am deserving of any compliement, and feel like if I receive one, its only because someone feels like they have to be nice. Or if I give someone a compliment, and I get one back, thats REALLY a fake compliment. The only compliment I can take that will make my face beam brightly is when someone notices I have lost weight, and they didnt even know I was on a diet. That feels great!

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Ditto for me! I always have some wise apple comeback! http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/s/cwm/eek3.gif

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Regards,
Big Bones (Bev)

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"Minutes at the table don't make you put on weight - it's the seconds."

Actually since I have lost a lot of weight I'm shy about it.. It's an embarrassment to me cuz I'm not expecting them..TEEHEE

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bougiej@hotmail.com

Complements? It depends on the day - when I feel good - am happy - love who I am I do great. Other times - not so good.

Honestly though - if someone gives me a compliment - I try for one minute to see what they are seeing - it is not my eyes they are looking through (with all the insecurities I am looking with) - they see me differently and it can do some good to try and see what they are seeing for a minute. Does that make any sense?

Gen

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I've always had a hard time responding to compliments regardless of my weight.
A frustrated friend explained to me that my flip responses to his compliments left him feeling badly. It left him feeling that I doubted his sincerity. He told me that when he offered a compliment and I brushed it away, it was like he offered a gift and I snubbed my nose at it.
With that in mind, I try to do just what Mel mentioned. I say, "thank you." and I move on.

-Tabitha1966

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Tabitha that is such good advice and it makes so much sense to me. I think I'll try to start applying that to my life and not be so much on the defensive all the time.
Babs

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this little guy just about sums up how well i take a compliment.
i get very embarrassed as i dont like it when the spotlight is on me. i was a person who would have a smart comeback once, but i am slowly starting to take a deep breath and then say thank you.
the fact that even at goal i still think i am not worthy of a compliment is something i have to work on still.
the ultimate compliment was being asked to tell my story as a diettalk star. i remember thinking john has sent this email to the wrong person lol..
it takes some getting used to babs...but we will get there......one day!
hugs bell :D

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I used to think, yeah right but then I started telling myself, just say thank you! When my husband tells me I am beautiful first thing that comes to my mind is yeah, right! NOT!!! But I do say thank you, smile and move on! LOL



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~Here's to eating right and living longer~
Massielita

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". You know how after you meet someone and get to know them they become more beautiful to you? It's SO true! So I accept complements when given. Who knows what they are seeing? But they are moved enough to say it! It has taken YEARS to be able to stop thinking everyone in the world is patronizing me. I accept that I am beautiful. And by seeing this (Finally!) in myself, I see so much more beauty in others, as well! If its a good friend or my kids who say it, I say "Thank you and I love you too!". Good for them for not judging beauty by who is featured on "Teen" magazine!

Of course, if its a bad hair day...all the above does not apply! LOL!

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Joni

Joni you are to funny! "Bad hair day" LOL
This whole thing started because on a particular day when I was feeling fat and dumpy my sweetie came over here and was telling me that I was still his beautiful girl and still as beautiful as I was the first day we met. It just made me so mad! I know in my heart that I am not as attractive as I was 9 years ago and so does he so it just sent me flying off the edge!
Now that I am doing some exercise and eating right I do feel somewhat better about myself. I guess it just boils down to a self esteem thing.
Hugs, Babs

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Wow, good question Babs! I used to be really horrible at it, too.....but it's one of the things I'm really working on. I think it all stems from self esteem and where ours is at the time the compliments come. Someone told me once that when you make a smart crack or blow off someones compliments it's a real insult to the person giving the compliment. I never thought about it that way. When my husband gives me a compliment I used to look at him and say "don't make fun of me"!!! He used to be so bewildered because he wasn't making fun of me. I try now just to say thank you and be done with it. No excuses about my clothes being old, or any other "funny" remarks that I can come up with..... just a thank you out of respect for the person who paid me a tribute of sorts. When I look at it that way, it's a bit easier for me.

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Here's to healthy and happy!

Dj

You are so right DJ. I never thought that it was an insult to the other person..only to me. Right now I'm doing a "self discovery" thing and it is helping me get to the root of some of these issues and why I react that way to some things. Thank you for the post.

Positive thoughts bring positive results.
Babs

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Just one more comment....although I will never be a buff-body dancer again, this journey has left me with something far more valuable....LOTS of compassion, TONS of tolerance and maybe a shred of wisdom. These things, though not featured on the runway, are magnficent when seen in someone else. Have you ever noticed that? Take a day at the grocery when the checker is making all kinds of mistakes, as slow as molasses, and talking too much. You want to punch her out. The person in front of you says something loving and gentle and instantly that person looks more beautiful than when you just laid eyes on them a minute ago. Beauty TRULY DOES radiate from within. Believe it!

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Joni

Babs here are some affirmations you should say to yourself everyday:

I AM BEAUTIFUL

I DESERVE ONLY THE BEST

I AM WORTH IT

LOVING BEGINS WITH YOURSELF

EACH AND EVERYDAY I GET BETTER IN EACH AND EVERY DAY

Make an effort to say this to yourself at least once a day but more often if you can.. You will start believing it if you say it often enough :) Jeni

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I must be workin' on it folks :D He was here the other day with the same comments and I said "And so are you just as handsome as the first day I ever laid eyes on your face." Sure felt better than a smart crack! :D
Thank you, thank you all!
Babs

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Babs, what a sweet reply! I'll bet your conversation afterwards went much better, too!

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Joni

Now, now Joni. You know this board is rated "G" :D :D :D
Babs

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I too was the same way. Someone would say how nice I looked, and I felt I looked horrible. Then after I had Haley last Jan, I lost about 56 lbs from pregnancy to my 6 week appointment. I still could not except the attention I was getting. But after I lost a total of 92 lbs, it was so often people were saying things about me, I got use to it, and started enjoying the attention, looks, and yells. It's one of my motivation to never go back to 226 lbs EVER again.
I think we all go through it. We know we can look much better. So we think the worst when we feel so lousy.
You need to tell yourself that you are wonderful, and look great. Put some make up on. Put a nice outfit on. When you feel good about yourself, you can get to any goal you set for yourself!!!
~Stacey~

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