Just wanted to give everyone something to think about. My mom is in the hospital. Got a phone call tonight that I think I've been expecting for some time now. See, my mom is very, very overweight, probably over 350 lbs. She has asthma really bad, high blood pressure, and to top that off she smokes too. She has completely let her self go and has gotten bigger and bigger every year. They have given her several nebulizer (sp?) treatments today, but had to admit her because her oxygen level was too low. I am so scared for her. I keep wondering what is it going to take to make her realize that she needs to take serious action, make a real decision to get healthy. She recently lost her job because she called in sick too much. She has been living with my grandparents (her parents) for years now.

Anyway, just thought I'd post this in the hopes that maybe it helps any of you out there struggling and feeling like you can't do it. Please, DO IT FOR YOUR HEALTH!! Don't wait until you end up in the hospital!!

Bekka

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I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. She will be in my prayers. How scary for you and her. With my heart problems, I've really started watching what I eat. They say that if I stay away from caffeine, it may help. Will be a hard one for me but I'll do it because it scares me when I have an episode. I try to stay away from things that trigger it.

I do hope your mother gets scared enough to really do something about her weight. Sending prayers her way!



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Thank you for your thoughts Neek. I do think that my tears tonight did hit home a bit with her. She swears that she will quit smoking and try to lose weight. Although, I've heard it all before. My sister and I have tried many times to "gently" tell her that we are scared for her health, that she needs to lose weight and take better care of herself. Anybody have any better suggestions, how can you force someone to get healthier?

Bekka

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Oh Bekka, so sorry to hear about your mother being sick. I hope she will start looking after herself so she can be with you guys a very long time! Help her along, give her support, it is not so easy for some people. Give her a push from you and all of us too!

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Massielita

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom. My thoughts are with you and I am wishing her well.
One of my best friends came to see me yesterday and he is in a mess.
He is not very overweight, but he smokes and drinks a lot, smoking more than drinking.
Anyway, he has been having pains in his legs for a few months, and finally went to the docs yesterday.
He came to see me and he has been told that he has got varicose veins, but they cannot operate at this stage.
He has been told that he has got to lose at least 20lbs, stop smoking and cut right back on the alcohol.
He is devastated. I don't think the eating and drinking with bother him that much, but before coming to see me he had 2 cigarettes!
I really want to help him as much as I can, he is usually so full of life and fun, and yesterday seeing him in that state really upset me.
How can I help him if I can't help myself? I gave up smoking on Jan 1st and have no had one since, but I never smoked as much as he did. I don't drink much so I don't know how to help with that, to be honest it is one of the only ways he socialises.
And then to the eating, well he could maybe teach me a few things!
Why do we do this to ourselves, we're not going to be here long enough to enjoy our lives if we don't start getting healthy.

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Do you live close to your mother? Does she have a computer? If she does, form a mother daughter team if you can. Inform her about the support you received from DT. Check in daily via email or telephone to see how she is doing. That way she will be accoutable to someone. It helps to have someone close by to get you started and keep you motivated. Does she have friends or relatives close by that can help her? If she doesn't want the hassle of purchasing a computer, look into one of those internet appliances. It allows you to surf the web, send and recieve emails, but I think that is about it.

I think with you supporting her through this, she may get motivated to really stick with it. Good Luck!


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Unfortunately my mother is VERY stubborn! Whenever my sis or I have tried to mention losing weight to her, she gets mad and says "Don't pressure me or I won't do it!" She's extremely self-consious and barely ever leaves the house. Only occasionally to go to the store or to come see her grandchildren (my son & my neice). I don't like to bring my son over there because everyone in the house smokes and they don't care or seem to cause they don't stop when I go over with him. So now I don't bring him over. If they want to see him they need to come here, to my home, where it is smoke-free!

And no my mom doesn't have a computer. She wouldn't even know how to turn one on, LOL! She hates the internet because she is ignorant (never even tried it!). She is one of those paranoid people who thinks that THE WHOLE WORLD are psychos and therefore I should not use the internet because EVERYONE is lying about who they are!! LOL! Yes, Mom is quite the piece of work, but she's the only Mom I have!

Bekka


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Hi Bekka,

It sounds like you've got your work cut out for you. But then again, as I'm sure you've heard countless times before, they have to want to do it. I'm sure you are feeling frustrated. I hope she does finally come around.

I know what you mean about the smoke! My parents and in-laws know that we want no second-hand smoke around our son and they have been kind enough to oblige.

Bekka-

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I am in a similar situation and I know how hard it is to sit back and watch someone you love so much not taking care of themselves. I want my parents around as long as possible and it is so hard when they are continuing to live a lifestyle that will probably kill them before their time. I know that they will not change until they make that decision themselves just like I didn't start losing the weight until I finally made the decision myself. But it is such a difficult situation. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your mom.

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Isabella :)

Bekka,

i'm very sorry to hear about your mother. I have been in the same situation. My mother and father both smoked and never ate healthy. My mom died of cancer and my dad of heart faliure. Needless to say I was parentless at the age of 23.
Once again I'm very sorry your mother is having such a hard time.

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Gosh, Bekka, this is so sad. It's hard to see someone suffering like this....your mom AND you! Unfortunately, you can't force someone to do something like lose weight. You can try to have a talk with your mom, in not-so-gentle terms, about how this makes you feel. But after that, you have to let it go. I'm sure she knows it all. It is up to her and she is choosing to do these destructive things. Just keep loving her, but dont' be afraid to let her know you are being hurt by her actions either. Good luck, this is a difficult situation.

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Joni

Unfortunately, there is no way to force someone change their personal habits. Think how hard it is to change your own habits (bad and good). All you can do is love her and let her be. She will only make changes to her lifestyle when she is ready to.

My mom was 350 lbs too. She was also an insulin dependent diabetic, had high BP, had one heart attack, and had congestive heart failure. She was on oxygen 24 hours a day for about the last 2 years of her life. She ate what and when she felt like it regardless of what it did to her. If we bought her 'healthy' food when we shopped for her, it rotted in the fridge.

My FIL has lung cancer and emphysema (sp). He is on oxygen most of his waking hours. He smokes at least a pack a day. He takes the oxygen off to light up. He was supposed to die before the end of 1998. He is now into his 3rd year of borrowed time.

Learn from your mom's 'mistake' and don't let it happen to you. That's the best you can do with this situation.

Hugs

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Bekka,

I am so sorry to hear about your mother. Does she have a best friend that you could ask to help and encourage her to make a change in her habits? Be a good example to her let her know you love her and want her to be around for your children. My dad smoked for a long time, he was trying to quit and was doing great when he had a stroke. That stopped his smoking, but also paralized his left side. It is so sad to see him struggle. Love her and I will keep you both in my prayers.

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