What a week, it's been terrible. My son was having trouble in one of his classes along with two of his friends. They are good students, but they were overwhelmed with the class. It was one of three AP classes my son is taking. Like I said a very stressful load of classes especially since he doesn't even need all of them to graduate this year. He is a good student always A and B and takes hard classes. Well anyway, he and his friends wanted to get out of this class. One of his friends somehow got out without it affecting his grade. So my son and the other boy thought that is what they could do. Well when they talked to the teacher they got the impression that he had no problem with in. He came home so happy and relieved. The next day he met with the teacher and counselor and was told he could not get out of the class because it was too late. He was mad because his friend was out and he wasn't. Now I must explain his friend is partially deaf, but in this class it didn't matter because it was book and computer work. Therefore my son thought he should be given the same consideration. I was called into a meeting with the counselor, principal and the teacher (first time in my life I was scared) The teacher was really overwhelming and negative about my son, I knew my son was struggling in this class, but I guess not to the extent he was. The teacher said he was not putting forth any effort, but I saw the effort at home. My son was really intimidated by this teacher so he never asked for help. My son is not blameless in this he should have asked for help much sooner. A week after the meeting I was still not happy with the decision that was made and I called the principal and expressed my feelings. He contacted the teacher for a conference. Next thing I know I am getting a call at home from this teacher saying my son is a liar, we are abusing the adminstration and saying false things about him. He then threatened me if I ever mentioned his name again he would seek representation. He made this same call to another mother. Unknown to me at the time was that he called my son and called him a liar and threatened him. I have never experienced anything like this before he would not even let me talk. He just yelled. My son did not lie about the situation and I don't like him to be labeled a trouble maker or liar. This teacher really scared me and I don't know what to do. The other mother wants to take it to the superindendent. I do not want to jeapordize this man's career, it was all a series of misunderstanding, but he will not listen. He is very hard to talk to because he will not let you even talk. What should I do?

------------------

Sandy, this seems like a case that really needs to have a mediator, someone who can objectively hear all sides and try to determine what went wrong here and where. I know you feel abused and want only fair treatment and a fair hearing of the facts here, and certainly you should have just that! By the way, how old is your son? Please keep us posted. I know it helped a lot just to get it off your chest, but you still need for the school to do the right thing! It should be helpful, and I see it as significant, that there is another mother feeling just as wronged by this man as you do, so it needs to be looked into. Sounds like the teacher may be stressed out and not responding as he should to me.

------------------
me and my pup

"GUIDE me,...Strengthen my resolve to turn off the shouting that says 'Get more!' Hold me steady in a centered place..."

Sandy,

There are as many idiots in the teaching profession as in any other profession. A teacher NEVER has the right to threaten or intimidate you when there is a problem you are trying to solve.

Work your way up the "chain of command" in a calm and reasonable manner. This man will show his true colors in front of a superior sooner or later.

You are in a position to teach your son a more valuable lesson than anything he is going to learn in that classroom this year; how to handle problems without resorting to the same kind of behavior the teacher is exhibiting. Your son's record will say a great deal more that is BELIEVABLE than what this individual has to say about him if this matter must be taken clear to the top.

Do not let this man frighten you. As parents, we have to stand up for our children. Good luck to you, Sandy.

Hugs,
ThinLynn

------------------
BLOOM WHERE YOU'RE PLANTED!

Thanks so much for the good advice. It was good to get it off my chest. I haven't talked to anyone but those directly involved. My son is a senior and he just transferred to this high school because he wanted to take advantage of the AP courses. I know that if the district was to hear of the calls we received this teacher would really be in trouble. After talking to me he made me feel if I talked he would bring a deflamation lawsuit against me. I have not attacked this teachers integrity and I told him so, but I just wanted a straight answer as to one student was given preferencial treatment over the other. The principal said something that was not according to district policy and led me to believe the teacher had the final say as to who would be able to get out of his class, I have found out that it was an administrative decision. Anyway this whole thing is a mess and my son is now out of the class, but his friend will have to make up work and take another final during the next two weeks (which is different than what was agreed to in a previous meeting by the teacher and counselor and student). I really feel for him and his mother. Apparently this teacher glares at them when they walk by him in the hall. My son never noticed because he looks the other way when he sees him, it was another student who knows nothing of the situation that told my son the teacher was giving him the "evil eye". If it goes further I will asked that anything he says to me must be said in front of a mediator and he is not to call my home again. He is a very loud man and my son did not like his teacher style. My son is shy and I think he felt really intimidated by this man. Anyway it will hopefully all be over soon. I do not want this teacher to get into trouble, but I would like an apology from him.

------------------

Sandy, Reading about this teacher has gotten me furious. He is intimidating your son and heaven knows how many other kids are suffering from him as well. A few questions..
Do you know how long he's been teaching at the school? Are you in contact with other parents of kids from the class? Does the principal know that he phoned you and threatened you?
Although you don't want to get the teacher in trouble, I would do my homework in case he continues to either phone you or glare at your son.
In Israel we have very strong "Parent Committees" - sometimes news of a problematic teacher reaches the local newspapers. In my daughter's junior high, one teacher (female) was written up as having thrown a chair at a particularly rowdy student. Rowdy or not, that behaviour is unacceptable and many other parents came forth as a result of the article with incidents of their children having been verbally and physically abused by the same teacher. Needless to say, her time is numbered at that school.
Please let me know how it goes Sandy.


------------------
Believe that you are capable of accomplishing anything, however difficult it may seem.

Sandy..... sorry to hear you're having so much trouble with a teacher. Just because he's a teacher doesn't mean he is a GOOD teacher and it sure doesn't mean he can intentionally bully and intimidate people. And that's what it sounds like he's doing. I agree with the other mother and this should be reported. If he gets into trouble it won't be YOUR fault, it will be his fault for choosing to act the way he did. There are too many teachers allowed to teach in school systems that have NO business being around children. You might be protecting other children from emotional harm or worse if he's openly threatening people the way he is. And usually people like that don't really do what they say (in the case of the lawyer). He can probably tell that you don't like confrontation and he's trying to scare you into not telling on him. And he knows he's acting inappropriately or he probably wouldn't be threatening everyone involved like he is. I think the authorities have a right to know. If I were a parent with children in your son's school, I would definitely want to know. Take a stand and be proud of protecting your son and yourself. There is nothing worse than someone who bullies and abuses, especially children!!! Take care......

------------------
Here's to healthy and happy!

Dj

[This message has been edited by Dj (edited 01-28-2001).]

Sandy I basically went through the same problems witht he school my son attends. He's in his final year of high school. At the very beginning of the term he took this one math class and found it to be quite difficult. (he's a brain) and wanted to drop it. The superintendant was not going to allow.. WELL...I got on the phone with him and informed him you either let him drop this class which he is gonna fail anyhow (he's never failed a class in his life) or face the fact he is threatening to quit school. Would he like a bad name for the school and want the responsibilty of having people know that someone quit school because they wouldn't let him drop a course?? He said he thought my son was being very immature for wanting to do this. I said WE are paying the taxes for that darn school and they should allow him to have a choice. Well needless to say we won. He got to drop the course and is much happier and less stressed. This is not a teacher I'm talking about as the teachers there are fantastic. This is a vice principal. I wish you lots of luck and your son.

------------------
bougiej@hotmail.com

Hi Sandy,

Oh, after a threat like that from someone with so much importance in my child's life (after convincing myself a baseball bat would not solve the problem), I would communicate with this teacher in writing and cc: it to the administrator of the school. I would DEFINATELY put in there that you do not appreciate the threats and re-iterate that there must be a civil and fair way to resolve this situation. Be matter-of-a-fact and not emotional and it will be taken very seriously. Also, insist that any communication back be in writing, cc:'ed to the administrator as well. This way everyone will choose their words wisely and you don't have to listen to him yell.

I don't envy you.

Corinna

------------------
"Every decision you make indicates what you believe you are worth."

Today I went in and talked with the principal and counselor. It was a great meeting. I was finally able to voice my opinions because the teacher was not in there. Anyway they have a complete understanding of most of the situation, I didn't bring up the phone call because I know that the teacher could get into hot trouble and that is not what I want to happen. They agreed with my son's issues and he is now out of this teacher's class. It was a series of misunderstandings that got blown out of proportion. Although I feel this teacher was out of line, I do not feel his job should be on the line because of it. However I will be writting a letter to the teacher telling him I expect a written apology to my son for his actions. My son just wants to drop the whole thing although I could easily take it further. I am honoring his wishes as he has to go to school there everyday and I do not want him to feel uncomfortable.

------------------

I'm glad the situation is being de-fused. However, Corinna had an excellent suggestion of writing a letter and cc-ing it to the principal and/or supervisor. Keep it in writing, just in case! This man is a bully and immature. Who knows what he will do next? Get your statements in writing for your own protection.

------------------
Joni

Sandy, Have you written the letter to your son's ex teacher yet?
Just wondering what his response was.
I do hope that he realizes that you, out of the kindness of your heart, chose to not fry him like an egg in oil........
Is your son happy now?


------------------
Believe that you are capable of accomplishing anything, however difficult it may seem.

Sandy, that is really unacceptible behavior from a teacher and he will do it again to someone else. I do not have any children but I can still remember when I felt wronged by one and how good it felt to have my parents behind me. If you have talked to your son and he wants to drop it then fine but makes sure that he knows that this will happen to someone else too and it would be better for them if there is a letter of past history for them to refer too.

i really applaud you for sticking with your son thou and he will too.

------------------
Mona
60 to go!!!!
Go Go Go GO!!!